


anxiety attack

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: Crying, Depression, Other, Poetry, anxiety attack, hurting, iM NOT OK, musing thoughts, switching POVs, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 05:51:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7496319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's okay if you hate me because I hate me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	anxiety attack

It’s okay if people him and think he’s a monster because sometimes he hates himself too. 

Thinks of himself as a demon child, something that shouldn’t have born, and something that doesn’t want to exist. 

He hates his own existence too and when you hurt the people you care about you just want to curl up and die sometimes but they say they’re okay, they lie and you know you fucking know and it hurts so much and then they ignore you and you feel like you’re suffocating and drowning in your own disgust and feelings, you’re up to your neck in shit and you just can’t feel, you can’t fucking breath you feel so sick, it’s just too much. 

You keep trying to sleep to make the feelings go away but still feel the same you just want reassurance but you know they’re lying and it hurts and it hurts and you don’t know why this happened and you don’t understand how you hurt another person emotionally and you can’t understand if they won’t tell you, you literally can’t.

You’re not a mind reader, you can’t feel how they’re feeling, and you can’t read it. You just feel so broken and awful because you don’t understand the big deal in hurting someone because to you it wasn’t that bad to you it passes but still you feel dead inside, disgusted.

You just want to feel okay; you just want to not feel.

You just want to not feel anything again.

You can’t even fix it if they won’t talk to you.

It’s okay though because you’re bad at apologies and can’t understand what to do anyway.

It’s okay.

You’re not okay but it’s okay.

You’re use to the feeling of abandonment and neglect and people say you shouldn’t be use to it but you are and you laugh when you feel it sometimes because you’re so numb, so cold, so it’s okay, right?

You just want to talk again like normal but you know you ruin everything and you think everyone is better off without you and sometimes you feel like if they all leave then you can finally just disappear and it’d be all okay.

You’re worth it, you are but you don’t feel like it.

You’re always self-deprecating, you deserve to be happy but you don’t feel like you do.

You don’t understand other people but you’re trying.

Trying counts for something and the people that can’t care for you, do not deserve you.

Maybe in the end no one deserves us?

Maybe we’re just too hard to love?

Maybe it’s better to be alone.

We just hurt people.

We’re tired.

We’re sorry.

But if you don’t forgive us we can’t do anything, we can’t fix you, and we can’t fix it.

I’m sorry but love is fucking stupid and I hate you.


End file.
